February 19th, 2008

DLM: Mason's death

Explosives duct-taped to my spine, and nothing's gonna change my mind.

Normally no teenager in her right mind would take getting up early over going to bed late, and anyone who did both at the same time might find themselves slowly falling apart. Not I, I say. While I'm hardly the poster child for early rising, I've been getting up early enough to actually get shit done in the mornings lately: not just the basics like showering and eating, but going to doctor's appointments, making credit card payments, job-searching, registering for school... My productivity, let me show you it.

There's not a whole lot to say, aside from that. I've signed up for some classes at the local community college (basic algebra, English composition even though I've routinely tested out of it, and Spanish to fulfill my language requirements for when I pursue my B.F.A. again), and I'm getting aggravated enough by my job that I'm trying to find another one. I've been a bit melancholy and paranoid-- not depressed exactly, I just keep having panic attacks of "Oh my God, my life after college is going to be no different from my life now, must find career path that is both rewarding and lucrative and pursue with all my strength!" It's still pretty much my dream to start (or work at) a theatre company, and while there's not much money in that and that's fucking hard work, I keep telling myself that that is a job that would make me happy and keep me fed and housed. If nothing else, I do have experience in set construction that I could capitalize on.

There's light at the end of the tunnel, I guess I'm saying to myself. It's rather aggravating when it's so far away, though.

Though it's not as if I don't have things to look forward to. Megan's House and all contained within (roommates Emily, Kristin, and Lola, as well as Marcus, Emily's boyfriend/fiance who all but lives there as well) have talked tentatively about having me move in before June as originally planned, and even if that doesn't work out it's nice to feel wanted there. I'm still a bit at odds over whether I'm going to get a dog soon or not-- I'd love one but relatives and circumstances are still conspiring against me a bit. Maybe I'd best shut up on the subject until some sort of conclusion is reached.

...My journal'd probably be closed for a while if that was the case.

Also, this is the most pathetic thing in the history of pathetic. I keep listening to Green Day songs, of all things, and going "This applies so deeply to my life right now." "2000 Light Years Away," "Redundant," "Wake Me Up When September Ends," "The Grouch," "Nice Guys Finish Last," "Basket Case"? This isn't teenage angst, this is worrying!